Change

Hess here. I started a new diary on my birthday last year, and the one-year anniversary of that diary (my birthday!) is coming up. At the beginning of the diary I made a list of my goals for the next year: there were eight of them. Wanna know how many of them I actually accomplished? Zero. And it's not like any of them were even terribly hard... they were just your typical goals, and they should have been easy for me to do because I had a gameplan, and it was a good one. But here we are, a year after the fact, and I am in exactly the same position.

Sorry to be emo yet again, but this is hitting me hard today. I don't want to be fat and unable to wear the clothes I like because they look icky on me; I want to wear what I love and look good doing it. I don't want to be lonely at the bar because everyone around me is coupled off; I want to have someone to snuggle up to, too. I don't want to keep giving into my bad habits; I want to master them.

This has gone on long enough, Eggs. We need to act like we deserve better, and really BELIEVE that we deserve better, because we do. It's time to for me to change things, because I need to. Enough with the excuses, enough with feeling sorry for myself, enough with the terrible choices and sitting on my ass and eating whatever crap I feel like eating. Time to do better. Time to start acting like I really want this; because until I act like I want it, I don't want it.